also for two of my siblings who are Autistic/autism/Special Needs

there were a lot of things still LEFT YET for MOM TO DO, TO TAKE CARE OF, TO EXPLORE, TO SEE AND TO ENJOY , TO MARRY HER KIDS and more ! THERE'S TOO MUCH LEFT !!!!💔😭 SHE NEVER DID LET ANYONE KNOW THE PAIN and HOW SICK SHE REALLY IS, never ever , she was selflessly devoted to her duties since her sickness, being sick and admitted in hospital , having drip IV in one hand and talking with relatives, friends. neighbours etc even when on call She asked them about how they are doing, always said she's well, never let anyone knew about this! Being with sickness and problem related to Liver for more than 24 years! She was always smiling in all kinds of difficulties! being the bravest! She was the Kindest, Ever Caring, Always Smiling in all Kind Of difficulties, and a Selflessly Devoted Mother.

This heart-wrenching and untimely demise of our Sacred and Revered Mother is, Indeed a Great and Irreparable Loss, which None can fill.

I guess i wanted to vent, and also i have been feeling much more frustrated, kinda angry and getting annoyed more easily nowadays also, it also has got to do with how i have devoted myself in home to my mother and also siblings and i had not been doing job for some time but stayed mostly in home helped her around in chores etc.

Previously Did look for some jobs remote and onsite but not succeeded in any due to my lacking's, but thats not important,

I guess i still have not overcomed this and still am stuck looking in the past thinking i should have said this to the doctors and this could have been done better etc etc and not moving forward. I should have done this and that and pleased her and done many things before she got admitted in the hospital on 14th june.

Well here's hoping that I INSHALLAH get back up on my feet and make her Proud and fulfill her wishes and be a more better person striving to be my much better self everyday, that's definitely what she would have wanted!