I had a bit of a scare because I noticed a VISIBLE symptom of my medical condition, Ulcerative Colitis, so am now concerned that may be flaring up again.

My mother is concerned with her own health. She's lost quite a bit of weight lately (currently she's like 88 lbs) and is concerned it may be the earliest sign of cancer. The only trouble is it's impossible to say for certain because the weight loss can be attributed to the fact our car broke down, she's been walking a lot more lately, and we've barely been eating lately (due to lack of money); however, she claims she's never been below like 92-96 lbs in her life (aside from childhood, obviously), and her ideal weight is something like 100 lbs.

Meanwhile, my grandparents aren't doing well. My grandmother apparently injured her legs like a week ago by bumping them against her bed and has had liquid seeping from them. My mother just learned of it like yesterday or the day before and has been freaking on her because it's dejavu: my grandmother went through this like two months ago, waited several days to tell my mother, who advised her then to go to a clinic or hospital, and needed antibiotics to get better. Now she's going through it all again and this time it's worse because she has infection, which has caused her to have a bad case of diarrhea and become seriously dehydrated, and is now in the hospital! Meanwhile, my 92 year-old (this March) veteran grandfather has Alzheimer's and is dependent on my grandmother - not an ideal situation because she's constantly angry at him because he forgets things, which can't be helped at his age and in his mental condition.

In the meantime, according to my mother, my uncle's attempting to swindle my grandparents and get the whole inheritance. My mom swears up-and-down my grandmother is simply looking for ANY excuse to cut her out of the will. My uncle's apparently upset about the whole situation and is putting all the blame on her for not knowing and attempting to do anything; my mom only just found out about the situation, herself, and it's not like we can get out there to help - unlike him (he has a big executive job, makes big bucks, and can better afford to help than anyone), we'd be out there helping if we had the money and could!

As for me, I have to put up with all the bull from my mom. I constantly have to hear all the abuse she hurls at me on top of everything else I've gone through in my life. I seriously feel like I'm on the verge of snapping, myself. Hell, I admit: I've had some seriously dark, twisted thoughts, myself. Of them, the only one I've actually seriously considered at times is destroying my mother by ending my own miserable life. Heck, on my way to the convenience store today (after we made that sale), I seriously thought of dropping in front of a school bus - would certainly be a quick and easy way to go. There's a part of me, though, that somehow always keeps me alive; I think it's the simple truth that things could always be worse, the hope things can get better, and the fact I have my beautiful Ginger to live for and snuggle.

Anyway, that's all I've got to get off my chest for the present.